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Wii Fat: How to cheat at Wii Fit

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Transcript

Hi, I'm Nate Lanxon and according to Nintendo, I'm slightly overweight. A lot of geeks spend the days they're not at work blowing up buildings and running prostitutes over in stolen cars. But they also like to play video games. Wii Fit aims to take this love of video games but get you fit at the same time. The problem is, while the game's really original, some people just can't be bothered waving their arms and hips round like a bloke having a seizure, so someone needs to find out how to play the game without exerting any more energy than you'd need to shove cake in your fat mouth. Enter Nate. Here are my four favourite ways for you to play Wii Fit without Welcome to Wii Fat. First things first, and I've got to register. Okay, so I'm 5'10", but ol' Bossy McBalance-Board doesn't know that, so we'll go with... Enter 6'2". Well here's the first way to lose a few pounds without breaking into an uncontrollable sweat. This T-shirt clearly weighs at least a pound, and these jeans are probably 3 or 4 pounds or so. Wii Fit relies on motion and pressure detection so it knows what you're doing and if you're idle, like me. And although this thing can calculate more math problems in one second than me, chances are I can still outsmart it. I think we'll start with some aerobics - jogging looks like a lark. I'll be sitting down jiggling the Wiimote up and down for a few seconds - camera can cut between me and the screen. I don't know about you, but when I've completed a jog, there's nothing better than a good session of lunges with a chick whose lips don't move. Thankfully, the Wii caters to this very desire. At this point I'll re-assess my weight after putting on a shirt. I'll tell the Wii I'm now wearing an extra pound of clothing, so it should congratulate me on having lost a pound or two in one day. Wii Fit's not just about getting nice tight buttocks -- you can also put your feet up and get some experience on the slopes. Fortunately, again, the impeccable intellect of the human being can outsmart a chirpy, pressure-sensitive balance board. Now for the truly bone idle -- and even this goes a little too far for me -- it is possible to use the balance board as a hand-held controller. It's a bit of a laugh with the "Heading Footballs" game, though to be quite honest, it takes more effort to cheat than it does to just play the damn game as Nintendo intended. We'll have some generic footage of the game being played to use as cut-aways through these two paragraphs. Perhaps slightly slowed-down black and white versions of me cheating, as seen earlier in the video - kind of like a retrospective look at the ways people have just seen me cheat? So maybe, after all this, the £70 Wii Fit really is just for determined cake addicts. No matter how you try and cheat the system to play it like a more conventional collection of mini-games, it's going to get you fit and it will make you lose weight. But to be honest, £70 will be you a big cake. I'm Nate Lanxon and I like cake. See you next time.

It's no secret that one of America's biggest contributions to Western society has been fat people. And it's spreading. Britain is becoming as bloated as our overseas friends and all it's doing is giving Daily Mail readers more things to complain about.

Fortunately, Japan stepped in and gave us Wii Fit. It was the East's way of saying, "Oh hai, you no can has cheezburger, you can has rice and exercise. It build small stomach, happy mind, rich experiences for all family!"

But some people just want to play cool games and not lose any weight. Here are four ways to abuse the fundamental principles of Wii Fit, without losing out on any of the balance board-fuelled fun. Go nuts (on nuts), podgesters! -Nate Lanxon

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Comments

AnonymousThu 26 June, 2008 5:49pm

Brilliant video Nate - your avatar looks so much like you too! Nice shirt too ;)

- Katherine Hannaford.

matthewhughesFri 27 June, 2008 10:10am

Great stuff mate

Rory ReidFri 27 June, 2008 11:24am

slurp

AnonymousFri 27 June, 2008 7:39pm

Wow. Talk about missing the point. If you don't want to measure yourself, A) you don't have to, you can just do the "training" part of the game. And B) what the hell is the point in playing the game to get a false "record" -- re: slalom? Is it really that fun to cheat the game to get a false record? I don't get it.

And, if you're going to just shake your hand up and down instead of jogging, why don't you just mast**b**e, and skip the "jogging" game?

Seriously.

Maybe I just don't understand people who like to cheat the system in any way possible.

AnonymousSat 28 June, 2008 12:46am

and i like cake toooooooo:D

AnonymousSat 28 June, 2008 4:07pm

MMmmm Cake.

AnonymousSat 28 June, 2008 6:36pm

it may be a joke, but the irony is, he is a fat tw*t and doesnt seem to care! muppet

AnonymousSat 28 June, 2008 7:58pm

he's not fat. not even slightly. jesus, no wonder some girls get self-conscious with jackasses like you about.

AnonymousSat 28 June, 2008 11:31pm

I'm surprised no one has commented on the written article and the pretty much straight up racist stereotyping of Asian speak. I know, it's all supposed to be a joke, but it's not even clever and rather tasteless don't you think?

AnonymousSun 29 June, 2008 4:39pm

funny as Sh#!. YOU have missed the point - it's freaking joke dude! Funniest crap I've seen in a while. LOL.

AnonymousSun 29 June, 2008 4:49pm

Yeah the racist stuff.....yeah....go F*$! yourself. All that politically correct crap is a bunch of bullS#&*. Ya go through your day to day experiences, see life, comment on TRUTHS - and you're a racist if you communicate day to day realities - what a bunch of crap! FYI, everyone is racist. Every notice that in general, even in big cities, people tend to gravitate to neighborhoods with people of like kind. Its human nature to be around familarity. Take SF (lived there for 4 years and could take it anymore). Mission district, mostly hispanic, sunset district, mostly chinese, hunters point, mostly all african american.....Hmmm, is it just luck they moved to areas of like people???? I think not. Comments about racist should apply to the kinds of people that INTENTIONALLY go out of their way to injure, harm, deny (jobs, housing etc) other people because of their race. Making day to day observations is not being a racist. Your a dumba**. The media complex has gotten you and you suck monkey balls!

Nick HideMon 30 June, 2008 12:59pm

The comment about Japan was not intended to be 'stereotyping of Asian speak' but a rather oblique reference to lolcats (hence the misspelling of 'cheezburger'). Sorry if anyone misunderstood that.

-Nick Hide, chief sub-editor, CNET.co.uk

AnonymousFri 4 July, 2008 4:12pm

Loved it, funny stuff :)

AnonymousThu 10 July, 2008 5:41am

There is a game that teaches you not to eat cake. Guess which.

Hint:
THE CAKE IS A LIE!

AnonymousThu 10 July, 2008 4:26pm

nice hair mate

AnonymousSat 12 July, 2008 7:32pm

why would u want 2 cheat at wii fit, it's made so u lose weight and get fit. if u ask me ur an idiot 2 cheat.

AnonymousSun 13 July, 2008 5:50pm

My cake is better at the Zen stillness game on Wii Fit than I am!
Just place it on the board and watch it keep still like a Zen master...
My mother's poodle finally has a use too - harness the wiimote to it, as it tries to dislodge it it should rack up a fairly decent jogging score.

I think you need to be a bit more inventive in your cheating.

AnonymousMon 14 July, 2008 12:45pm

how to cheat at wii fit? well im so suprised that there would be any cheat but you seem to have sunk to new depths. why would you spend money on a game just to cheat, play the game the way its meant to be played. i mean this over all games but it seems worse that you are tryin to cheat a game like wii fit. i think you have totally lost it. idiot. we all know its motion sensitive. you are a tw*t. get a grip of yourself.

Gamertag Pavi 11

AnonymousTue 15 July, 2008 11:41pm

haha, very nicely done, there's always a way to cheat at these games...now time to one up Nate and be more creative...

btw, nice shirt man, yay Threadless!

AnonymousThu 14 August, 2008 11:15am

why would you waste your money on the Wii fit if you're not going to use it??? because you should. it would get rid of your double chin.

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