Technology trade shows are the least sexy places on Earth. The lighting is unrelenting, the endless halls are soul-destroyingly huge, and the parade of grey suits has all the charisma of a robot army.
Add to that the unflinching exhalations of dinosaur-sized air conditioning units that flay all moisture from exposed flesh, leaving a cracked and desiccated husk where your hands used to be. And your poor, poor feet -- blistered, aching, a full size bigger than usual, thanks to the miles of conference carpeting they've trodden in search of a thimbleful of water. If you're not nursing a piercing scream inside your skull by the end of day one, you're doing it wrong.
This barren and hostile landscape, devoid of the merest suggestion of mood lighting, is one of the reasons why a few unimaginative exhibitors add a lineup of underdressed women to their stands, to stand prettily beside the products -- in the hope, presumably, that someone will notice them (the products, not the women).
These so-called booth babes stand out as only a chestful of exposed flesh in a sea of grey suits can. The result, as any sane person will tell you, is not even slightly sexy -- it's dad-dancingly cringeworthy, injecting a cocktail of contextless confusion, uncomfortable incongruity and an occasional publically horny businessman to this most asexual of ecosystems.
It's like visiting the dentist and realising, as you lie back in the chair, that he's not holding a metal tooth probe in his hand -- but is in fact preparing to ram a red rose down your throat. 'Do not want' does not even begin to describe.
But of course it's not just unwanted, it's downright sexist. It's also inherently stupid. You might as well stick up a huge sign yelling, "CHECK IT OUT! WE'RE NOT BIG! WE'RE NOT CLEVER! SEE! BOOBS!"
In recent years, Mobile World Congress has not been the worst offender in the booth babes stakes. It's no CES, whose CEO memorably defended booth babes: "It does work. People naturally want to go towards what they consider pretty." Sure, there's that Russian company that turns up every year with an excruciating display of flesh-baring dancing ladies, who perform on the hour -- and stand around scantily for the other 59 minutes. But this is the exception. Most flesh remains safely suited and booted.
Until now. Step forward Microsoft -- which has sent out this burlesque-themed teaser to a Windows Phone 'after party' to be held at Barcelona's El Molino club...
Whatever you think of burlesque (Mark Kermode calls it "stripping with A-levels"), putting it on at a trade show party sends out the same message as racking your stand with booth babes.
Context is always king. If someone chooses to go and watch a spot of artfully executed brassiere removal in their own leisure time, fair enough. But putting on strippers at your trade show party? Really Microsoft? What were you thinking?
If Ballmer & Co are trying to tell us that Windows Phone is just for men, they couldn't have found a less subtle way to get the message across.
Titillating industry execs and jaded hacks with booth babes and burlesque is tech's tiresome little secret. The only burlesque dancing I want to see from Microsoft this year is Steve Ballmer can-canning on to the stage for his keynote. Feather boas, beaded necklaces of sweat and artfully positioned Windows Phones are all optional.
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Jimboo 20 February, 2012 13:17
A fun read, very interesting :)
However, don't go all feminist and call it sexist. Because it isn't. It's just a simple fact that attention will be drawn where scantily dressed women are placed.
Personally I don't like it, and I choose to intentionally NOT look at those women so as not to give them (and the businesses who condone it in this instance) the satisfaction, and so I would most likely avoid stalls like that. But a lot of guys aren't like me and are drawn towards such stalls (how the whole thing isn't just awkward is beyond me).
anonymous 20 February, 2012 13:24
... and for the loyal few still reading CNet-UK after the awful redesign and endless "iPad 7" rumours, how about a little feminism-lite as a reward?
I thought "interface. is. king." - now it's "context"?
Car-crash journalism, kids.
anonymous 20 February, 2012 15:29
The tech industry sells mainly to men ... smidge of a chance a lady will smile at the target ... pack em in guys. lol evolution ain't no fool.
Natasha Lomas 20 February, 2012 17:57
@Jimboo Eyeballs would be arrested if scantily dressed men were standing next to products -- yet funnily enough, you never see under-dressed men at tech trade shows.... Attention-drawing is not the point -- there are loads of ways to get people's attention. The point is clearly to titillate a male-dominated audience. It's hardly an intelligent way to market products. Indeed, it suggests the company in question -- Microsoft, in this instance -- isn't confident in the abilities of the Windows Phone to sell itself.
Or, as one of my Twitter followers observed of the Windows Phone burlesque teaser: "Appropriate, isn't it? Lots of glitter, not much pay-off."
Jimboo 20 February, 2012 22:19
@Natasha True! Although regardless of whether it's an intelligent marketing method or not, it works as the easiest and most effective method, which is all a business wants. The audience comprises mainly of males. Motor shows have women like that all the time for the latest Ferrari or other super car, because women attract men and it's all instinctive, so women with the latest technology isn't really different. This simply will never change.
Also, NO Racism intended here, but I haven't seen much of the scantily dressed women draping themselves over technology here in the UK; it always seems to be the case for Asian shows though...
anonymous 21 February, 2012 11:22
I'm going to have to mirror Jimboo's first comment.
I personally feel no partiality towards a product that's associated with "sexiness" and agree that it's a cringeworthy marketing method that's really rather cheap and unoriginal.
That's all it is though, a marketing method. If one were to go to a trade show related to beauty products it wouldn't be a ridiculous idea to have attractive men on podiums trying to lure in an audience. It's not sexist, just an exploitation of inherent human sexual attraction. Judging by the popularity of the technique (being employed by the biggest name in the industry and all), it can be said that this is effective in what's probably a male dominated market.
anonymous 26 February, 2012 11:28
Not sexist? Just because it's marketing - and just because it arguably works - doesn't mean it's not sexist.
The fact that the tech business is mostly male is a symptom, not a cause, of this type of pushing women to the sidelines.
Great article - brave and hilariously written. :)
anonymous 28 February, 2012 02:33
This is the way the world is at the moment. Everything in the ad world is sexed up and sold, and there are scantily clad models who call themselves supermodels who are proud to show their flesh to sell products. Don't point out this type of marketing only for a tech show, it happens in almost every industry, just look around at all the advertising.