Top five free Android games: Waste your time, but not your money

Battleship

If you can play this game without hearing the "you sank my battleship" line from The Simpsons, we'll be very impressed indeed. There isn't much anyone can say that will persuade us that Battleship isn't one of the greatest games ever devised. And now, you can play it on your Android phone! For free!

Now, let's get the bad bits out of the way. This game was clearly not designed for Android handsets initially, because moving the ships into your desired location is next to impossible. Certainly, positioning them with even the slightest degree of accuracy is nearly impossible. Where they end up is really just a matter of random luck. It also appears that the computer can rotate its ships to be both horizontally and vertically orientated. We couldn't for the life of us make our boats go vertically.

But the lack of positioning flexibility pales into insignificance when you consider what a cheating swine the stinking computer is. Almost certainly it will hit one of your ships straight away. And why is that, you might ask? Well obviously because the swotting thing knows where all your boats are -- after all, you did tell it. It would be fairer if the game let you write down where your ships are, then asked you if it had hit one. That's sadly not an option here -- so you'll have to deal with a dastardly horrid cheat.

It's terrific fun, honestly.

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