You know when you've not watched a TV show for a few years and you catch an episode in passing and everything is completely different and utterly incomprehensible? This is how I feel about Angry Birds, a game I enjoyed for a week three years ago. It's now back with Angry Birds Star Wars II (Angry Birds Star Wars is already a thing, apparently) and it's gone totally bonkers.
The weirdest thing is it comes with toy figures of your favourite half-bird, half-Star Wars characters, like fat Chewbacca with a beak, which is just about the most horrific thing I can imagine.
Made by Hasbro, the toy figures are called Telepods, because they 'teleport' that deformed avian atrocity into your game. They've got a QR code or something similar on the bottom that you scan with your device's camera. The character then appears as a bonus shot, with a special power, in your battle against the Pork Side. Yes. Pork Side. Like Dark Side, but with pigs. Sigh.
Just... what? What is this?
There are over 30 of these flying plastic horrors to
pester your mum for collect, all sold separately from the game. They include all your least favourite characters from the abysmal prequels, including mutant bird or pig versions of annoying Anakin, pointless baldy Mace Windu, silent redhead Darth Maul and ohdeargod Jar Jar Binks.
You'll be able to play as the pigs for the first time in an Angry Birds game, after their quirky puzzle debut in Bad Piggies. There's no detail on whether it's a different defensive mode, where you might construct a fort to withstand a light-side assault, or just flinging porksiders around -- it is an unlockable extra though.
Angry Birds Star Wars II is out on 19 September from app stores worldwide, developer Rovio says, and given its previous ubiquity, I'd expect that to mean on virtually every smart device in existence. Unless you're still clinging on to your battered Palm Pre, you'll be able to play this completely nonsensical game.
Are you a massive pig-smashing fan? Great! Please explain what in the name of Wedge Antilles is going on here, either in the comments or on our cash-in spin-off Facebook page.