The 30 dumbest videogame titles ever

By Nate Lanxon on 27 March 2008, 10:21am

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Games that never had a sporting chance

Ninja Baseball Bat Man
Arcade - 1993

Premise: In this scrolling beat 'em up, it's up to you to annihilate enemies by using ninja skills and baseball bats. Marvellous.

Now this is what we're talking about! Ninjas, baseball bats, ninjas with baseball bats and lots of people who need injuring. It's exactly like Barbie Horse Adventure, only instead of Barbie, it's ninjas, and instead of a horse, it's a baseball bat.

Atari Ninja Golf
Atari 7800 - 1990

Premise: As if ninjas with baseball bats wasn't enough, this ninja has a sword and a collection of golf clubs. He plays a bit of golf and between holes he hurts other ninjas and various animals. Splendid fun.

Of all the ninja sporting games on the market, Ninja Golf has to be the most rad. But again, this could've been a really successful franchise: Ninja Beach Volleyball, Female Ninja Ice Hockey, Ninja Tiddlywinks... endless possibilities.

Billy the Wizard: Rocket Broomstick Racing
Wii, PC, PS2 - 2007

Premise: It's exactly as it sounds: you're a wizard that races on a fast broomstick. Extraordinary. Where did they get that idea?

We prefer more ninja action in our games. If Billy was a ninja, we'd probably pay more attention.

NRA Gun Club
PS2 - 2006

Premise: In this National Rifle Association-endorsed shooting game, you shoot targets, not people, at various courses and indoor events.

It's to be expected that a prominent gun club doesn't want to condone the shooting of innocent passers-by. In the competitive world of gaming, where removing heads with axes and running over prostitutes is rather vanilla, a gun game with no mindless violence could be considered refreshing. But of course it's simply mind-numbingly dull.

GOLF Magazine Presents 36 Great Holes Starring Fred Couples
Sega 32X - 1994

Premise: Golf simulator with decent physics and terrains, for its time. And sniggering.

We're not going to rip on this game for anything more than its unnaturally long title and hilarious innuendo. It had some decent courses, passable graphics and considering it was 1994, fairly good ball physics. Ball physics! It must be catching.