You're fired -- literally: Ten evil tech companies we'd invest in

Aperture Science (Portal)

Business model: Many companies began life doing something very different. Nintendo made playing cards. Lamborghini made tractors. Aperture Science made shower curtains for the US Army. Founded in 1953 by Cave Johnson, Aperture later became one of those companies that embarks on a military contract that goes totally pear-shaped. As if developing the Heimlich Counter-Maneuver and Take-A-Wish Foundation weren't barmy enough, Aperture began work on a "man-sized ad-hoc quantum tunnel through physical space with possible applications as a shower curtain". That's a gun that shoots holes in stuff.

EvilSE share price: Surprisingly strong: the portal gun is actually a pretty viable product -- and in fact is way more sensible than the many tech companies preoccupied with building implacable killing machines or mucking about with deadly viruses or developing artificial intelligences that go utterly hatstand. But Aperture just didn't know when it was well off, developing GLaDOS: you guessed it, an artificial intelligence that went utterly cakestand.

MAD (Inspector Gadget)

Business model: MAD was an organisation headed by the villainous Dr Claw, camera-shy nemesis of stumbling cybernetic shamus Inspector Gadget. MAD stands apart from other evil organisations because of its ubiquitous branding. MAD agents were covered in more logos than Jenson Button, right down to the MAD-branded underwear.

EvilSE share price: In the toilet. The recession is likely to do what Gadget never could, and smash MAD for good. Look out for a glut of MAD-branded underwear on eBay.

Advanced Idea Mechanics (Marvel comics)

Business model: Originally the research and development arm of the evil HYDRA organisation, AIM has evolved into a manufacturer of exotic weapons. Members are required to have a Master's degree, if not a PhD, but they still look daft in their ridiculous yellow helmets. One of the company's biggest achievements was MODOK, or Mobile/Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing. Perhaps unsure how to monetise a giant brain floating around shrieking at people, AIM eventually gave up on creations like Ms MODOK, but is still plagued by meddling superheroes.

EvilSE share price: Would be stronger if those pesky supergeeks didn't keep kicking in the windows and chinning everybody with any managerial direction. Shares in capes, tights and pants with belts remain bullish.