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Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.
The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.
Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.
Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would
not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am
from. The discovery of the Higgs
boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and
Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here
to stop it ever happening."
This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the
Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.
Professor Brian Cox, a CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."
Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.
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anonymous 1 April, 2010 10:59
APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anonymous 1 April, 2010 11:00
Funny!
Green 1 April, 2010 11:03
April Fools I take it?
Green 1 April, 2010 11:03
......nice!
Green 1 April, 2010 11:05
"who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age" - sounds like the new Doctor Who
anonymous 1 April, 2010 11:20
Beautiful!!!
Set Him instantly free and let us make party!!!
anonymous 1 April, 2010 12:12
DF Lewis, editor of Cone Zero and Cern Zoo, predicted this some time ago. His insight into retrocausuality is astounding. Rumours that he could be Nostradamus reincarnated are spreading fast.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 12:24
lol
gud thing i realised it was april fools
anonymous 1 April, 2010 12:30
Eloi were the folks in HG Wells The Time Machine. Good stuff!
anonymous 1 April, 2010 12:59
Eloi ???? wasn't that the name of the "good" race in "The Time Machine". I hope his scarf was metric on the front and Imperial on the back
anonymous 1 April, 2010 13:40
Ah, so that's where he got to.
Please, people of 2010, accept the sincere apologies of my people for letting young Eloi - not his real name, trying to pronounce that would make your head explode - slip back to your time.
We have had many problems with this youngster and will now banish him to a distant Universe.
Just out of curiosity; are you still using iPads? I always thought they sounded vaguely .... sanitary.
Farewell.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 14:09
That guy must be mad lol, like anyones going to belive he is from the future. But i gotta give this guy credit, this storys hilarious:)
anonymous 1 April, 2010 14:51
'Cern Zoo' retrocaused this event.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 15:10
"It is a communist chocolate hellhole"
Looks as though they have "tea baggers" in the future as well.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 15:45
As i read this I kept thinking to my self that the
presumption that this guys is a psycho is not
really scientific. In reality, we don't know what
is possible and what is not. We just started the
LHC and it's possible we are seeing future visitors.
For now, I think this should be looked into if
only to eliminate even the slightest possibility
of this being first contact from a future time trave-
ler. I'm not saying that this guy should or
shouldn't be trusted, just listened to.
!
-bondheli
anonymous 1 April, 2010 15:55
Though it may be April Fools, it is not too far off for some nut to claim to be from the future to try to get publicity just for the fun of it, or to put some hypothesis out there to get attention for whatever crazy mentally ill things happen in his mind
anonymous 1 April, 2010 16:32
No Mountain Dew... We're all screwed, halt the experiment
anonymous 1 April, 2010 16:32
Really you feel this is a fake? Are you sure it's not real
lol!
anonymous 1 April, 2010 16:33
Cole...like 12 Monkeys?
anonymous 1 April, 2010 17:39
I heard they called the number on his business card and it was a dry cleaner answering service.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 17:44
Absolutely LOVE it!
anonymous 1 April, 2010 17:48
" I heard they called the number on his business card and it was a dry cleaner answering service."
but was his suite ready?
anonymous 1 April, 2010 17:50
if I could go back in time, I would correct my spelling of "suite" to "suit"
anonymous 1 April, 2010 17:54
"Cole" is the last name of Bruce Willis' character in 12 Monkeys.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 18:19
just a funny thing for april fool
anonymous 1 April, 2010 18:25
I don't understand why the police are not bothered by this....they should be VERY bothered that someone disappeared from their cell.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 18:33
I am breathing a sigh of relief. If he came back from the future then the world did not end in 2012.....
anonymous 1 April, 2010 18:34
I used to be a big mountain dew fan, but as a grew a few years older, I just didn't care for it much, now I know why, I sensed it was part of some crazy conspiracy! LMOA
anonymous 1 April, 2010 18:36
God I wish this story was real.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 18:51
I met Eloi a hundred years ago when he tried to convince Einstein not to publish his theory of relativity. Those of us who know him well excuse his bizarre behavior which is due to a chocolate addiction. One word of warning, stop eating bananas. They're a radioactive menace.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 19:01
ROFL, LMAO
How some people DIDN'T realize this was utter bullshit Amazes Me !
anonymous 1 April, 2010 19:25
Sorry, it was me.
But they have not caught the original me, so I can now do it again and really screw with their minds.
2010-04-01 When did we change the calendars? Oh yeah, it was in April.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 19:30
brilliant! Happy April Fools...bg
anonymous 1 April, 2010 19:32
Cole as in Kpax
anonymous 1 April, 2010 19:51
this is funny!
anonymous 1 April, 2010 20:40
The "Mr. Fusion" reference was the best part.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 20:41
That's great. Very funny!
anonymous 1 April, 2010 21:00
No one believed Kyle Reese either!
anonymous 1 April, 2010 21:16
Absolute nonsense! There isn't Mountain Dew in the CERN vending machines :(. Haha.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 21:27
illuminati
anonymous 1 April, 2010 21:54
Lame. Get another pint.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 22:07
Looks like the Doctor is using a different alias than "John Smith" these days...
anonymous 1 April, 2010 22:43
i prefer to make my mind open.in our universe everything is possible.i don't know what to say,but this great project satisfy me much as our planet be destroyed.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 22:46
Aah, I love April Fools on the Internet...
anonymous 1 April, 2010 23:23
And then Robert Langdon shows up!
anonymous 1 April, 2010 23:25
His safety was not guaranteed.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 23:30
Eloi, the guys first name, is coincidentally the same name that HG Wells gave to the people of the future in his novel The Time Machine. Obviously this is a prank. What makes it even funnier, is that this guy correctly assumed peoples literary ignorance in calling himself Eloi
-Alicia
anonymous 1 April, 2010 23:37
definitely a reference to the new Doctor Who.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 23:45
He was actually there to tell them the Collider doesn't work.
anonymous 1 April, 2010 23:57
April Fool's.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 00:06
Well played, Internet. Well played indeed. This will be excellent trolling fodder for those who fear the awesome power of the LHC. Good thing we'll destroy them, too, with our soon-to-be-invented Hadron Cannons.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 01:01
good thing he got away, I hear he is the last of the timelords......lol
anonymous 2 April, 2010 02:47
that's weird! there's a man right outside my window who is wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age
anonymous 2 April, 2010 03:05
Doctor Who, Back to the Future, AND The Time Machine references. Nice! But with limitless Higgs Boson power, why do we need Mr. Fusion? :P
anonymous 2 April, 2010 03:42
Good to know men will be still be wearing bow ties in the future.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 03:46
I love the fact he was dressed in tweed. No more Doctor Who for him I guess.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 04:21
He could have been a little more original. The "power unit" that resembles a blender is totally a rip off of back to the future II's Mr. Fusion. Come on man.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 04:26
Lol... this april fool's joke makes me think of the guy who claimed he was a time traveler like 10 years ago and had "blueprints" of his time machine. He claimed time travel was discovered by CERN, who had been involved in creating the machine along with a couple others with the rudimentary military that the US had thrown together after the aftermath of the second American Civil War and a plague that wiped out half the population of Earth.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 04:28
John Titor was the "name" of the "time traveler" from 2000.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 04:34
i have a big monkey penis in a jar from the future and the label just says 'some films are too accurate'. weird.....
anonymous 2 April, 2010 04:35
"Police are baffled, but not that bothered." - This kind of gave it away.. >_>
anonymous 2 April, 2010 05:32
so the guy was a hungry angel...aren't angels suppose to eat too? Jesus! And another thing Cox is a twat, we all know it he sucks rock and roll! tell him to go jump off a cliff.. Oh yeah another thing...Masao Ninomiya and Holger Bech Nielsen's theory is just as scientifically correct as any other of the mad scientist theories at ...the CERN ... as a matter of fact they work for the CERN ... go figure that one out ... none of these guys know what the hell they'll find and or what theory will be proven if any ... including Otto Rosseler's black hole' theory don't forget Otto is another honored university professor :)
anonymous 2 April, 2010 05:45
this article was so lame. instead of attempting to write something that would actually intrigue and interest a readership, the writer chose to make it blatantly obvious that it was written as a joke, thereby taking the joke out of it completely and ensuring the result would be completely unfunny. the question is, was this done in order to satisfy a lame editor, or was it because the writer was just that much of a failure? either way, 0/10.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 05:51
What if it really is true, and They just posted it 1 April so They could go ahead and destroy the world like They planned?
anonymous 2 April, 2010 05:59
I was in the room with him, when he just vanished. And for all of you who doubt this story, he vanished on April 3rd
anonymous 2 April, 2010 06:10
This is pretty much the plot of 12 Monkeys. Even down to the name and the guy disappearing from the institution.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 06:49
Hahahahahahahhahhahahaha
anonymous 2 April, 2010 07:01
This is real, you guys are ridiculous.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 07:30
yeah and finds the antimatter.such crap
anonymous 2 April, 2010 07:34
actually we are just stuck with iphone untill this week.anyway did u guys find antimatter and use it in USS Enterprise?
anonymous 2 April, 2010 07:42
It was reported that the strange man approached the scientists and hastily requested, "Give me your clothes, your boots, and your high density electron microscopes."
anonymous 2 April, 2010 08:14
LOL from April
anonymous 2 April, 2010 08:16
forgot it was april 1, so i believed until i read the last part. i lol'd
anonymous 2 April, 2010 09:29
The writer could have at least ATTEMPTED to write it a little more convincingly - not funny, not clever & blatantly obvious that it was crap after reading the second paragraph. No one was fooled.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 10:24
damn.. i fell for it too....
anonymous 2 April, 2010 10:43
Use April fools for any excuse. I will remember this next year.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 11:12
thats weird maybe when he dissapeard he time travelled on somewhere else????? creepy
anonymous 2 April, 2010 11:31
James Cole was the character from twelve Monkeys. So. let's see, we have Dr who, HG Well's tme machine, Back to the Future, and Twelve Monkeys... any more?
anonymous 2 April, 2010 12:25
yeahh was my first thinking aswell
Angelastic 2 April, 2010 14:30
Clearly a hoax; CERN may be full of code monkeys, but they run on coffee, not Mountain Dew. There isn't even any Mountain Dew in the vending machines.
Wait... there isn't any Mountain Dew in the vending machines... great Scott! It *is* true!
anonymous 2 April, 2010 14:32
Go Doctor, go! :P
anonymous 2 April, 2010 15:18
Bah what a lost of time, atleast mention it's not real, just think that not all days are april 1st and this result will be read by people that doesn't know what april fool's is for years and years to come.
No big deal anyway.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 15:39
Mountain Dew has liberal amounts of caffeine.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 16:38
I wonder if they still have April the first in the future. If not then this might be serious eh? OMG!!! Funny or not.... Laugh or cry.... AAAARRRG!!!!!!
anonymous 2 April, 2010 16:41
You really think I would risk my life if this wasn't for real. Time Travel is still experimental in my time with only a 60% success rate. Shut this thing down now before you destroy the earth.
Eloi Cole
(Transmitted via Intel ORB)
anonymous 2 April, 2010 17:25
The Doctor Who reference made me smile. It's a nice STFU towards the people insisting that this is going suck the world into a deathly spiral in which we'll all be either torn to pieces or mysteriously catapulted into an alternate dimension where Ace Rimmer is actually quite a guy.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 17:56
hey you bas**rds..let my brother go!!!!
anonymous 2 April, 2010 18:20
KPAX!!!!
anonymous 2 April, 2010 18:31
Oh, wow. I hope he got back to the future ok!!!!
anonymous 2 April, 2010 18:38
But but but... if you're coming back from the future, doesn't that PROVE we didn't destry the earth?
anonymous 2 April, 2010 18:40
No mention that the Eloi are the docile future civilization from H.G. Well's "The Time Machine" ? Shame on all of you!
anonymous 2 April, 2010 18:49
We are 2 years from the Earth Imploding because of the Action of your Scientist. The Year is 2027. If you do not STOP now we will all Perish. The Next test will Rip Time.
Eloi Cole
(Via Intel ORB)
anonymous 2 April, 2010 20:03
I like that he's using a Mr. Fusion blender to power his time machine, nice touch.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 20:25
ever heard of april fools? ha ha idiot, there was no young man in tweed. dummy.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 21:00
maybe he really use a HOT TUB TIME Machine! OMG... the film must be real too. Of-course! It all makes sense!i!
anonymous 2 April, 2010 21:01
maybe he really use a HOT TUB TIME Machine! OMG the film must be real too. Of-course! It all makes sense!i!
anonymous 2 April, 2010 21:49
I doubt that people will be wearing bow ties and tweed in the future. I think this guy should have come up with a better outfit. Staceyann C. Dolenti
anonymous 2 April, 2010 21:58
'Eloi' huh? Someone thinks they're being soooo clever... :-)
anonymous 2 April, 2010 23:22
If he were from the future.. and knew the world was destroyed from this thing.. How did he live to be able to get sent back to warn us? I call BS! he's can't teleport! :P
anonymous 2 April, 2010 23:23
Cool play on names. Eloi from The Time Machine and Cole taken from 12 Monkeys wayward time traveller.
anonymous 2 April, 2010 23:45
jesus is a time machine traveler from the jupitor and then hippies fell into a pool of mountain dew and then robots ate lsd and everyone had free kit kat yummies and republicans revolted against themselvs and we all use ipads and we ride segways because were fat and smell
its the year 3000 and i like drunk hobo poetry and mountain dew and legal weed and stuff
thankyou
from your venerable 45th president of the UN
anonymous 2 April, 2010 23:51
No way! I'm friends with this guy on Facebook... in the future, of course...
anonymous 3 April, 2010 01:17
I don't think that you can possibly say that this kind of thing can be real! LOL! This man is a big joker LOL!!!
anonymous 3 April, 2010 02:41
HAHA!
anonymous 3 April, 2010 02:41
i wonder if any of the people involved found a blue police call box.
anonymous 3 April, 2010 03:11
If he comes from the future how he clains that stuff will destroy our World now?
anonymous 3 April, 2010 03:24
Eloi is Hebrew for "God"!
anonymous 3 April, 2010 04:45
Are we sure this wasn't Britney Spears off her medication??
anonymous 3 April, 2010 05:08
i second that
anonymous 3 April, 2010 05:38
If he's from the future then the machine obviously didn't destroy the world
anonymous 3 April, 2010 06:45
HAHAHA I have a physics teacher names Mr Cole!
anonymous 3 April, 2010 07:19
Fruity Loops x 10e100
andydandy 3 April, 2010 07:21
And I thought I was the only one who read cnet. Post comments on other lines too guys. Comments make a website, and I like to get other peoples feedback besides the cnet folks. Though I like theirs too.
anonymous 3 April, 2010 08:49
"The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone."
Why the hell don't you want that?
anonymous 3 April, 2010 09:45
Maybe It's true,like the movie.
anonymous 3 April, 2010 11:32
??,??????~
anonymous 3 April, 2010 12:13
was wondering...if the world had been destroyed how could he be from the future?
>.
anonymous 3 April, 2010 18:13
????????????
anonymous 3 April, 2010 20:32
Can you image what kind of practical jokes could be played if we really did have a time machine?
anonymous 3 April, 2010 21:30
THE DOCTOR EXISTS!!
anonymous 3 April, 2010 22:30
AWESOME!!!!
anonymous 3 April, 2010 22:42
If you're going to go through all the trouble of making a story like this, you should make sure it doesn't have a huge hole in it.
If the world was destroyed by the LHC, how the heck could someone go back in time to stop it?
Durrrrrrrrrrr......
anonymous 3 April, 2010 22:59
To the people pointing out the plot hole that isn't there: He never said the future was destroyed. Perhaps there is still time to prevent the chocolate communist hellhole if we all are a little less quick to criticize!
anonymous 3 April, 2010 23:12
IDIOTS
anonymous 3 April, 2010 23:21
Did someone say chocolate?!
anonymous 4 April, 2010 01:07
Yes, I am from Mars and could come to geneva only for a small portion of floating time....
anonymous 4 April, 2010 02:30
The Eloi are the futuristic people that walk blithely into the caves of the Morlocks to be eaten when the air raid siren sounds in H.G. Wells "The Time Machine"
anonymous 4 April, 2010 02:41
But, is there an actual joker or it a cnet joke? Some of you say: he is a joker, idiots... but, if there is no guy and it all cnet april's fool day stuff, doesn't it make YOU, who really believed but didn't buy it an idiot?
anonymous 4 April, 2010 03:32
?????
anonymous 4 April, 2010 06:28
Nice I was wondering if anyone was going to recognize that this is the like the first 30 minutes of 12 Monkeys when Bruce Willis gets sent back in time.
anonymous 4 April, 2010 10:16
how the hell did he dissapear from that mental facility later on...
anonymous 4 April, 2010 12:55
Not a very good April Fool joke attempt, I quickly realized it was fake.
anonymous 4 April, 2010 13:13
???????
anonymous 4 April, 2010 15:13
The unfortunate irony of faith that he traveled trough time to THAT date ...
ROFLOL!!!
anonymous 4 April, 2010 16:27
hello, yesterday is today, today is tomorrow,goodbye
anonymous 4 April, 2010 16:48
the man is rafapalman is the profet
anonymous 4 April, 2010 18:40
Hey! didnt no one notice that thats just the history of the movie 12 monkeys, with bruce williams and brad pitt. Bruce willis was a man send back in time to fix the future, and in the movie Bruce willis was MR.Cole xDD
Great reference to the movie!
Long life to Aprils fools from a spanish
anonymous 4 April, 2010 21:34
MICHAEL JACKSON COMES TO THE FUTURE HAHAHAHAHA .
THAT`S BULLSH!T !!
..."the man is rafapalman is the profet"...
OH COME ON!! WTF ARE THAT GUY THINKING??? "rafapal" is the "copyPASTE" conspiranoic webmaster...
anonymous 4 April, 2010 22:33
could the LHC boil an egg?
anonymous 4 April, 2010 22:41
From the future!!! Wow, I've got to talk to him about the stock market, Kentucky Derby, not forgetting the Super Bowl.
anonymous 4 April, 2010 22:55
Cosa estrañan la ESE de chico, lo Meten en Una Celda de Seguridad masima y desaparece rastros Dejar el pecado, Impresionante, ya de tenemos aqui Los Visitantes del futuro.
anonymous 4 April, 2010 23:02
Why would we believe that only sane people could time travel....
Perhaps it is only the insane time travelers that draw attention to themselves.
anonymous 4 April, 2010 23:08
The reason he's gone is that no one took him seriously. What's the matter with you people? I suppose no one believes in UFOs either.
anonymous 4 April, 2010 23:13
So should I buy stock in "Kit-Kat"?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 01:11
I have tertiary syphilis.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 01:16
i AM from the future and we don't remember any of this ever happening.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 01:26
if he was from the future then obviously it didn't destroy the world....
anonymous 5 April, 2010 01:34
please beam me up scottie
anonymous 5 April, 2010 01:34
Look for a guy in a bow tie and tweed winning the Super Lotto in the next few days.....
anonymous 5 April, 2010 01:59
this is the plot of 12 monkeys starring bruce willis. his character in the movie is named cole and this is obviously a joke for april fools
anonymous 5 April, 2010 02:01
Actually, the flux capacitor could run on mountain dew if you have Mr. Fusion.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 02:19
?8^=×)o)o))??))o??))???)?????))?)O))))))?))???????
anonymous 5 April, 2010 02:20
Some very amusing comments here, nice going, guys.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 02:35
this if NOT FUNNY. before i finished reading the article, i had already set about initiating a covert opp with the tweed coat battalion in an attempt to extricate this fellow before he ruined everything. and we only serve MARS, Inc products, not Kit-Kats - because thats just absurd! who is this Mr. Hide?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 02:45
I sincerely doubt that the inquisition which is the hellhole of the H-collider will stop drawing time travelers and comments from future dates. I myself am writing a reply to this before it happens from Easter Sunday and predict a large perhaps 7.2 earthquake in Baja for the purpose of convincing everyone to take this seriously. Please!
anonymous 5 April, 2010 03:08
You guys, whether you are on drugs or not, are real tweakers
anonymous 5 April, 2010 03:13
Too much tweed for his age... Don't you see, it was the Doctor all along!
Nothing to do with the LHC Rap Posse, they're going to do nothing important! They are just some mad people living on state benefits.
The Doctor! Voice mail it!!! Listen to me!!!!
anonymous 5 April, 2010 03:22
that was awesome. they totally got me.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 03:26
It's Dan Brown rearing his ugly head again...
anonymous 5 April, 2010 03:37
it got me till the last line. 12 monkeys?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 04:10
What a lame joke. I'm not asking that you try; April Fools is obviously for people who aren't funny to make boring unclever attempts at humor and not feel shame.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 05:34
"The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week."
So is this the best part?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 05:39
He's probably for real.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 05:49
How can you have to much tweed???
Gatsby
anonymous 5 April, 2010 06:53
but you wrote this on April 2nd?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 06:55
I'm listening.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 07:01
I don't know, since they cranked that thing up I've been having a lot of phones calls over taken by some wierd language going on. It's creepy. And I have witnesses because the people on the other end hear the same alien jargon.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 07:12
and I'm curious... how many of you don't believe they put their truths right under our noses knowing that their warnings will go un heard, History is full of them telling/warning us of our fate, their plans, conditioning us through media to accept the gradual bondage of slavery but glorifying it to the point we think 100's of cctv's monitoring most of our moves and how they can track you through your mobile and passport, the list is endless how your life is not your own anymore but when you break it down and take a good look... you are not FREE.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 07:38
Higgs boson = no big shogs = go sing bosh = gosh sin bog
anonymous 5 April, 2010 07:46
I am the real robert langdon and was at home in north wales at the time !!!!!!
anonymous 5 April, 2010 09:18
Ill be Back !
LOL
anonymous 5 April, 2010 09:23
I think the same fellow came by during breakfast several months ago and warned me against 'health' food. Said that eggs and sausage should be eaten instead. Warned me that 'health' food would only result in humans just climbing back into the trees to live....and the end of civilization. I now enjoy hearty meals...thanks Eloi!!
anonymous 5 April, 2010 09:51
I believe that we are messing with forces way outside of our knowledge or comprehension...we are trying to create a reaction that may have been involved in the big bang without the full undersdanding of it...scary!
anonymous 5 April, 2010 10:05
ANPR, ID CARDS, DNA PROFILING, EROSION OF FREEDOM OF SPEECH, etc etc....They use terorism and crime as motivating factors!! WHATEVER. THE PEOPLE WHO ARE DECAYING OUR FREEDOMS ARE THE REAL CRIMINALS AND TERORISTS. THEY SERVE THEMSELVES AND FEAR LESSER CLASSES ROM APPROACHING THEIR TABLES. FACT. THEY DONT HAVE TO FEAR CAMERAS WATCHING THEM IN THEIR PRIVATE LIVES..THEY LIVE ON ESTATES WITH SEVERAL MILES OF COUNTYSIDE WITHIN THERE WALLS! THEY WILL NEVER HAVE TO SHOW AN ID CARD IN FEAR OF BEING ARRESTED. THEY COMMUTE IN HELLICOPTERS. THE DAY WILL SOON BE HERE WHERE WE ALL HAVE TO SHOW AN ID CARD AT EVERY VISIT TO THE SHOPS,CINEMA,FAMILY OUTING..ETC. ITS GOT NOTING TO DO WITH TERRORISM OR CRIME..THEY JUST WANT TO CONTROL EVERY PENNY WE EARN OR SPEND! GOD HELP THE SINGLE MOTHERS WHO EARN AN EXTRA FEW QUID ON THE SIDE...THATS TERRORISM FOR YOU! THE POLICE ARE JUST A TOOL THEY USE TO ENFORCE THEIR WILL AND KEEP THEIR TABLES SAFE FROM THE LOWER CLASSES. THE POLICE LOVE ALL THE NEW POWERS THEY ARE GIVEN...THEY CAN ABUSE OUR CIVIL RIGHTS MORE AND MORE DAILY...AFTER ALL, THEY ARE NOT ACCOUNTABLE TO ANYONE!! GOD HELP US ALL. WE ARE BEING CONTROLLED AND HERDED LIKE SHEEP!
anonymous 5 April, 2010 10:17
¿es un pajaro? ¿es un avion? no no no no
es el tio de la vara..............................................
anonymous 5 April, 2010 12:16
Wow !! Do we have a picture of this man?? I'd love to meet him and travel in time with him. I knew it! I just knew it!! Some day we will meet time travelers.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 12:45
how does a fool disappear from a closed cell?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 12:52
it was easy in the night time. just took the keys
anonymous 5 April, 2010 12:54
Now its April 5 so it must be true Now
anonymous 5 April, 2010 12:56
Oh This Gives me soo much Faith!
anonymous 5 April, 2010 14:01
If he is from the future, and the world was destroyed, then where did he live?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 14:25
lol at all the nutter's who thought this was real roflmfao zzzz.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 15:19
Did anyone ask Mr. Cole if he noticed any specific stock prices before he travelled back to our time?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 15:25
Aren't the Eloi characters from HG Wells "The Time Machine"?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 15:30
What's interesting is that the Google News computer picked this up today (4/5/10) as a legitimate story.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 15:36
How did he get out of his cell and where did he go? I think that, even if his "crime" is bizarre, someone needs to know how prisoners escape!
anonymous 5 April, 2010 15:41
After a promising start, I was really disappointed... whoever wrote this, needs to remember next time, to keep the totally implausible out, so that people can really wonder if it's true.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 15:43
OH MY GOD, IT'S NOT EVEN april fools and i STILL FELL FOR IT!!!
anonymous 5 April, 2010 15:45
HE'S HERE IN PHOENIX ARIZONA HE GOT CAUGHT CROSSING THE BORDER THIS MORNING HE SAID HE NO HABLA...
anonymous 5 April, 2010 15:54
He sounds authentic to me. But then, I'm American and it seems logical that the future would be full of right wing nut cases since we have so many of them now. I had hoped that interbreeding would weaken and destroy that race of moron, but maybe they figured out cloning before South Korea did.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 16:05
I especially enjoyed a future in which there were "Kit-Kats for everyone." What else better completes a snack with Mountain Dew?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 16:08
This guy is right out of THRICE UPON A TIME, James P. Hogan, 1980.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 16:08
Your point is made so much more eloquent when you shout it at us in ALL CAPS. Moron.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 16:11
We need to see high resolution photos of the "blender".
100 years ago, they would have called our blue tooth ear pieces for cell phones as "an earring."
The entire incident doesn't seem extraordinary UNTIL you realize that he did slip out of a secured area.
Photos of the blender, the "secured area," and the security tapes please?
If he's as crazy and silly as the quotations given to us, then how was he clever enough to slip out and away?
Was he fingerprinted?
Was he not fingerprinted and matched to any person in a current database?
If anyone wants to discuss this with me, here's my email:
o200706@gmail.com
o200706 at gmail dot com
anonymous 5 April, 2010 16:50
"Disappeared" from his cell! haha
anonymous 5 April, 2010 17:30
Quit asking such questions or the wiseacre will steal the admonition and their nolition is spured from their retensive iniquity. so dont share too much the problem is amongst us all! THERE'S ALOT OF UNDOCUMENTED VICTIMS ELOI AND CERN ARE ACRONYMS. E.L.O.I Eigenfunctions, Linguistics, Ocults of Ichneumous, Ichneutic. they only put ont I in there. and C.E.R.N is Cacodemomania, Eigenfunctions, of Rotarian, Nolancy. what they did to tim mcveigh, andrea yates and scot peterson.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 17:44
Most people need to pay attention to the first definition of the word psycho, it means to beleive in false things. reality is dificult de-fy-cult to understand maybe when he disapeared his diss was apearing! like is acronym to Linguistics, Iniquity, of Kinetic Eigenfunctions and KIDS is acronym to Kinetic Iniquity of Diverse Syndication.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 17:57
Did anyone take note that he was going through the bins looking for fuel for a time machine that looked something like a blender? Obviously referencing the movie "Back to the Future" or one of its sequels, I forget which one when the professor throws some garbage in the Delorean for fuel. Very funny April fools joke though.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 18:21
I also am from the future.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 18:26
clearly, this guy is a result of the future "Obamacare"...rationed medication for mental diseases. good thing barack didnt touch my KitKat...
anonymous 5 April, 2010 18:39
OK. It's way past April 1st, so kill the article before nut jobs try to sabotage for real. I'm sure somebody want to blame Haiti, Chile and Mexico quakes on LHC "gravity waves"...
anonymous 5 April, 2010 18:46
It still could. 2011 is still in the future!
anonymous 5 April, 2010 18:53
Eloi,
Come back! Everything will be O.K..
anonymous 5 April, 2010 18:53
There's protons & electrons but he was attemptim to collide crutons.
spgordo 5 April, 2010 18:53
I am eloi... why won't you listen to me?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 19:03
Kit Kats for everyone? The future does indeed look bright!
anonymous 5 April, 2010 19:08
Is this proof of a worm hole or just an a-hole :)
anonymous 5 April, 2010 19:10
I spoke with Eloi two days from now. He was actually here to see Obama sign the US Death Warrant, aka Obamacare. He was intent on seeing how a once great nation could self destruct. He did not leave disappointed.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 19:37
there is custom on the fly matrices made in an instant but the dificulty in decifering what is canned data and someone with a laptop on your geoloc is quite rare but does happen. and as far as "herded like sheep" is lack for better words cause its more like Linguistics, Imprecate, of Kinetic Eigenfunctions cause's school shootings, suicide bombings and most the rest of the technological terrorism unfolding in the world today. global psychic visual digital control is to blame and that is in over five intercontinental countrys through the gate summit's secret meetings from ronald reagans "great communicator" to malicely conspired psychic scenario's enginered to cause discourse and terrorism merely for a false reason to develope psychic visual digital spying by use of telekinesis performed through wierless digital broadcasting systems.CELL PHONES ARE OPORATED FROM! And love is acronym to Linguistics, Ocults, of Vorat, Eigenfunctions. and when that happens the inward look is supposed to be Linguistics Observations through Vorat Engentum. Dummy
anonymous 5 April, 2010 20:01
anyone else make the connection to 12 monkeys? the MCs name is Cole..
anonymous 5 April, 2010 20:08
the hardon collider is supposed to produce many much needed solutions that stop human dispair. it is further advanced in many ways but just developing. the reality of it being futureistic is undeniable and maybe someone made an asswhipin into inhibiting someone to say he is from the future cause some scientist in communications systems is freakingly elated by their oppourtunity to create what the world will use for being the answer to many human needs. when we dont need to be assaulted or our right's violated by wrongfull psychic visual oporators causing terrorism by use of ileagal psychic visual communications linguistics engineer's. alot of innocent people died cause of psychic visual spying and it go's on and on and they say it stimulates the economy. the collider is allready sucessfull but no way of producing the the particles easily for use in what the particles are needed for. and the psychic visual spy epidemic causing terrorist attacks proovs the governmnets cant keep the vorat straight cause its killing too many innocent people. tag what, with split particles with terrorists writing to the vorat not good enough the vorat is not good enough to tag unless it is an inward look to finding the psychic visual terrorist linguistics engineer's of famicidaly engineerd eigen value's Eigenvectors and eigenfunctions that hate groups use against innocent people of the world. Sincerely, the Admonitionalist
anonymous 5 April, 2010 20:46
Keith olberman is against the public being violated through reagan and bush's bionic psychic visual digital global spy network systems enough for the program "countdown" to be internal propaganda signifieing the internal calender and clock settings to be automated to cenned data and shelf based data to spurr off when a certain time has come. this is not uncommon for the engineers to make someone look stupidly for them in a condenced kind of way
anonymous 5 April, 2010 21:05
There are documented cases of people seeing others from the past and future if you look for it , one man saw a civil war soldier on a road and the soldier seemed to see him too . was it a tear or rip in time ? If the theory that everything is happening at once the past the present and the future , it is east to assume that they could mix in a way and you could see the past or the future , There is talk of there being no time on the other side when people die or as they say on the other side , being born and returning home .
anonymous 5 April, 2010 21:46
The"Hardon" collider? What is that, some gay bath house in San Francisco?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 21:49
you are so dumb..
anonymous 5 April, 2010 22:15
I like Kit-Kats, but Twix are better.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 22:20
If your not going to post it send it to arnold schwarzenneger cause someone has to look at it. donald rumsfeld's people are bored!!!!!! they want you to post it, it's a national security thing.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 22:26
Guy's as mad as tits on a fish.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 22:27
time travel has been linked to the way we processn time same way when someone is dropped from 200 ft the brain slows down the way we interpret time so whos to say that in the future it wouldnt be possible go read a popular science mag !!
DMasut 5 April, 2010 22:31
That part about the 'Time-Machine' looking like a kitchen blender is TOTAL BS!!!
Everyone that has ever research or had experience with time-travel knows it looks like a 'Slap Chop'.
I'd tell you more but I haven't got all day ;)
I mean I hate having to keep coming back into time just to explain this to you guys...
just order one yourself on TV for $19.95 (plus $57.00 shipping & handling... uh...it's expensive to ship things back from the future... just ask any UPS Guy (UPS is a trademark from the future of the Universe Portation Service)
Anyway...I've already said too much...gotta go
anonymous 5 April, 2010 22:37
his world was not destroyed - it just became a "communist chocolate hellhole"... which is an image my mind just can't compute. Too many Kit-Kats!? as if.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 22:40
This article has given me the best laugh of the day. And yes, 12 monkeys, I love it!
anonymous 5 April, 2010 22:42
The first time machine I encountered, yesterday subjective but 1967 by your "calendar", looked like a metal band-aid can with wires coming in and out of it. Looked like something a kid would make but Here I am, there and back again as one might say. Surprised the hell out of me. Usually they look like stuff a teenager would cobble together instead of dating girls.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 22:43
Did he happen to drive up in a DeLorean?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 22:46
Why cant i say homosexuale on here? i wrote a very funny and very very important comment about changing the polarity of the left wavo's of mind ccntroll to stop homosexuality and the real reason their having sexchange's and the malice reason why! and you didnt post it????! the world needs to know the truth about it. it's obvious the government is lost acronym to Linguistics, Ocults, of Syndicated, Tyrany. so i thought i would expose the malice shadow government's sick joke about gay and homosexuality in a cool way, thats all.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 22:46
How did he DISAPPEAR from his cell? Time machine?
anonymous 5 April, 2010 22:54
I just went back in time and impregnated all your mothers. You are all my children. I hope you will all send me lots of money so I can live in the style to which I have become accustomed. See you for Thanksgiving.
anonymous 5 April, 2010 23:25
That Mr. Cole exists in the future, is good news for all of us in the present.
anonymous 6 April, 2010 00:34
You know what the greatest trajedy is? For all the weird crazy people out there creating wonderful OMG true stories for us to read, we cannot believe them if they do it April the 1st. Uncredited and lost to the world. Very sad. Please, let's have a moment of silence.
anonymous 6 April, 2010 02:38
got to love douchbags that make every comment political....get a life loser
anonymous 6 April, 2010 11:36
Ah so they have arrived?? Finally.
anonymous 6 April, 2010 12:43
Did anybody else think of the movie or the book the time machine when he said his name was Eloi?
anonymous 6 April, 2010 16:27
¿Any picture of Mr Cole? Thanks
anonymous 6 April, 2010 18:00
This guy is a fake -- the world doesn't like chocolate as much as he does ;)
Though it would be interesting to look into his eyes.
anonymous 6 April, 2010 18:01
thats the liberals you speak of son of the far world
anonymous 6 April, 2010 22:44
Life on earth is simple.and so is mankinds understanding of this reality.We dont even have the slightest clue as to to what is possible and what isnt.Crude thinking like this retards the rest of humanity ( retard- means to be held back).Be open minded yet skeptical, be truthful to others so we can all move forward in our understanding. p.s. there are no such things as miracles, whatever happens within this realm is obviously happening within the realm of possibility.
anonymous 6 April, 2010 23:42
What he doesn't know is a Cyborg was sent after him to stop him from stopping the end of the world as we know it. The ennnnnnnd of the world as we know it.
anonymous 7 April, 2010 05:06
in all reality, due to the oh so limmited scope of our perception and understanding of "physics" what they are attempting to do with this large hadron collider is a very very poor idea,, it is ultyimately an extrodinarily idiotic presumtion to think that they have the neccasary precuations in place,, its 90% theory.. the experiments taking place/in the works are insane and fundimentaly dangerous,, its a trade off,, what we may learn verses the possibility that we rip our lil planet to peices... oi,,
anonymous 7 April, 2010 05:11
and no one noticed the Douglass Adams-style "put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery." theory that sounds like something straight out of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? i guess that shows that i am the bigger geek here...lol
anonymous 7 April, 2010 09:40
We all know that we can create several megatons eqv fro a single nuclear warhead...enogh to destroy a major city. A nuclear warhead is probably less than the size of a passenger plane. So what are we risking by trying to do a similar thing only on a scale of several thousand times the size? We also have no real understanding of what might take place when this experiment is going on...if the universe was created from a big bang..which resulted from a chemical reaction under certain circumstances..we may be fueling the same reaction again with this experiment....scary scary...
anonymous 7 April, 2010 20:41
daniel farraday in real life
anonymous 8 April, 2010 03:18
NO Kit-Kat This is Madness!!!!!
anonymous 8 April, 2010 04:26
Do you think the bread crumbs
that shut the Hydron down last time was
an Accident?
hahahhaahhahahha,
you sleeping people
sleep on !
anonymous 8 April, 2010 11:00
You are the one who is a "psycho", you dumbass half-brained stupid ignorant uneducated low-life piece of trash MORON, for being so quick to falsely assume that just because the guy claims he's from the future,that he has to be psychotic! YOU are the PSYCHO, you childishly skeptic feeble-minded idiot!! What if the guy actually is from the future and what he came to do is real, then you remain standing there like the complete half-brained dumbass ridiculous pathetic moron idiot that you are!!
anonymous 8 April, 2010 11:09
Somebody know's where is he?. I'm the "taxi" driver who brought him form future. He left the vehicle without pay :-(. BTW, be carefull since he's REPUBLICAN!!!!
anonymous 8 April, 2010 20:39
Dinosauria, We
anonymous 9 April, 2010 15:52
W:T:F:?
anonymous 9 April, 2010 16:35
Well the story fits the the usual M.O. As we all know from "The Terminator" he would have had to travel back in time naked so he would merely have "borrowed" the bow tie and tweed from some passing scientist upon arrival.
anonymous 9 April, 2010 18:18
era "sixto paz " desde ganimedes, pasando por salou
anonymous 10 April, 2010 02:46
Two words: lottery numbers.
anonymous 13 April, 2010 15:48
PEOPLE: Don´t take this as a joke. We are going to a real...
THIS POST HAS BEEN ERASED FROM THE FUTURE. PLEASE CONTINUE WITH YOUR QUIET AND NO WORRIED LIFE. SORRY FOR THE DISTURBANCE.
anonymous 14 April, 2010 09:08
Hahaha, Kevin and Alex just used this story on Diggnation. How funny.
anonymous 18 April, 2010 14:38
No, his arriving at that date was a deliberate subterfuge. These people in the future are very smart. They know that if we discover a time traveller, it will change our ideas about it and potentially disrupt the future and destroy them by prompting us to research things that weren't discovered by "us" in their past. So he comes back on April's fools day so that nobody in our time takes it seriously. True!
anonymous 18 April, 2010 18:09
Tea baggers are the oposite of commuists, dude.
anonymous 19 April, 2010 00:59
I recognise that description. He was my son's harpsichord student who always wore velvet and only wanted to run his red and green swathed arms up and down the keyboard. Now I am concerned at what has become of the pug dog he used to relieve in the wash-room basin.
anonymous 19 April, 2010 01:02
A man appeared from the future to sabotage the LHC and save the world? How ridiculous. Oh well, I'm off to pray to the big guy in the sky who controls us all and created the universe.
P.S - kitkats for everyone doesn't sound too bad.
anonymous 19 April, 2010 01:07
Tea baggers are the NEW breed of communist dude, and 'opposite' has two pees. Now piss off.
Actually tea-baggers are ill-bred.
anonymous 19 April, 2010 09:17
OMG!!!!! Its Dr. Who!!!!!!!! LOL where is his retardis lol jk Tardis
anonymous 19 April, 2010 12:32
wow. and i literally am sitting here with a glass of mtn dew, and just got done watching the time travelers wife... someone posted the link on facebook, so i clicked it.. how ironic. ^.^
anonymous 19 April, 2010 15:46
Anybody seen "13 Monkeys" with Bruce Willis? very similar plot to what happened
anonymous 20 April, 2010 06:42
I'm glad someone else got the Eloi refrence too. HG WELLS FTW!
anonymous 20 April, 2010 08:54
I loled.
anonymous 21 April, 2010 05:26
jon titor is the real time traveller, google his name. and as for string theory, N10 seems to work well.
anonymous 21 April, 2010 16:08
He disapeared from his cell.....
anonymous 21 April, 2010 21:24
No one believed Kyle Reese or Sarah Connor either....and look where that got us. i think we should take this guy for serious... :)
anonymous 28 April, 2010 03:50
You lying sons of bitches.
anonymous 28 April, 2010 05:59
That was what I was thinking. Doctor Who! lol
anonymous 2 May, 2010 23:56
One of the best April Fool's articles I've ever read. Well done, Mr. Hide!
-Rachel Q.
anonymous 4 May, 2010 02:04
lol FOR REAL!!!! i wish he lost that tweed... i like the blu suit, or better yet, the leather jacket...
anonymous 4 May, 2010 14:38
im paul and i had a accident and woke up in 1973. Am i mad, in a coma, or back in time. what evers happened its like iv landed on a different planet maybe if i can work out the reason i can get home...
anonymous 4 May, 2010 18:53
sounds like the plot from twelve monkeys, his name is even cole in the movie.
anonymous 4 May, 2010 21:01
Mountain Dew through me off. Good effort though!!
anonymous 10 May, 2010 20:20
brilliant. especially the bit about how curing poverty and chocolate for everyone = communist hell-hole. in America's current political climate, this seems to be exactly what the tea party believes.
anonymous 11 May, 2010 22:39
Wait what
anonymous 12 May, 2010 21:32
Wait a minute does that mean 2012 happens lmao. he came from the future after 2012? or is what he saying caused 2012.
anonymous 18 May, 2010 11:32
waaaaayyy..we love you andy we do, we love you andy we doooo
anonymous 27 May, 2010 02:38
its all true believe it
anonymous 27 May, 2010 19:57
Tweed? Bowtie? Future? Why, it's Dr. Who, of course.
anonymous 30 May, 2010 23:48
afterall he did disappear from his room right at the end. guess he found fuel for his blender looking time machine
anonymous 3 June, 2010 00:16
LMFAO @ the world not ending in 2010
anonymous 3 June, 2010 06:39
wow...nice machine
anonymous 4 June, 2010 07:12
ITS NOT FUNNY
anonymous 5 June, 2010 02:42
Time travel is possible but only with certain atoms that eradicates their self at a rate passing all present wisdom light included, but who cares anyway!
anonymous 5 June, 2010 21:22
Geez, Kit-Kats for everyone, in the future? Sounds promising!!!
anonymous 7 June, 2010 17:47
I wonder if his first name was Indrid? If so... hmmmmm. If you don't know who this is watch "The Mothman Prophecies".
anonymous 9 June, 2010 13:59
guess wat ....... this reply is from person who came from 2050 ....... n m presently in 2100 ....... ;)
anonymous 24 June, 2010 11:36
haha, yes!!
anonymous 24 June, 2010 12:46
12 monkeys anyone?
anonymous 30 June, 2010 20:48
brilliant. just brilliant.
anonymous 3 July, 2010 16:02
Ok, so i missed this on April 1st... but LMAO.
anonymous 14 July, 2010 08:08
Well noone believes what they can't understand...
anonymous 17 July, 2010 02:29
OMG this is the doctor it has to be!!!
It can't be a joke!!!
anonymous 23 July, 2010 00:43
its the doctor, i know it! and i believe that this guy could possibly be telling the truth. Just because we have not discovered how time travel works doesnt mean we need to say that someone is telling lies if they say they are from the future. They might be, depending on their background. We might just have time travel in the future, but i dont think its a good idea to use it.
anonymous 24 July, 2010 09:19
Isn't anyone curious how he disappeared from his cell? Sometimes I think the people we call crazy and put in mental institutions are really the ones we should be listening to. More so than the ones that are selling us a way of life that coincides with what they want to accomplish. I'd rather be a nut case screaming at the top of my lungs than an obedient modern day, wireless/track-able citizen- isolated and easily controlled.
anonymous 24 July, 2010 23:51
If time travel was possible in the future, I am sure we would have many people traveling through time that came and visited us as well as the past!
It makes no sense. Time travel will never be, and the biggest proof for that is that there has never come anyone from the future to any time in the present or any past that could prove any of this!
Hillarious though, enjoyed the read
anonymous 29 July, 2010 04:56
the only truth this article brings is through its comments.... atleast 1/4th of all people are retards lol. look at the day this article came out. look at the name they gave the guy (mr cole is from 12 monkies and in 12 monkies he was locked up for saying he was from future and some how he dissapeared without a trace). if you didnt believe this then congrats your one of the 3/4ths that is not retarded.
anonymous 30 July, 2010 07:59
Is it just me or he sounds a little bit Doctor Whoish?
anonymous 31 July, 2010 05:24
uhhh anyone wonder how he lived through the destruction of the world??? and apparently a time machine survived it too. haha
anonymous 2 August, 2010 05:39
Freakin chrono trigger man!
anonymous 3 August, 2010 16:11
Dead give away. They don't sell Mountain Dew in Europe.
anonymous 6 August, 2010 03:04
I AM THE MAN MENTIONED IN THIS. STOP THE LHC NOW, BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!
anonymous 6 August, 2010 10:32
hehe I love time paradoxes... You can't go back in time to change something cos then you don't have any motivation to go back in time to change it...
Although I do think that without caffeine scientific progress would grind to a stop! Shhh don't tell anyone!
anonymous 10 August, 2010 12:03
Has anyone made a "Gary Seven" joke yet?
anonymous 12 August, 2010 02:50
epic troll trap. good movie though
anonymous 14 August, 2010 00:12
I am a bedbug and I find this rude.
anonymous 20 August, 2010 08:37
How could they not bother about a saboteur when such a machine is at stake? in need of dr.strangelove, huh!
anonymous 20 August, 2010 12:41
He was wearing tweed and a bow tie?
Was he by any chance called the Doctor?
anonymous 23 August, 2010 07:04
Rekon he sabotarged the baguettes the same way mcdonalds do ?? ;-)
anonymous 26 August, 2010 12:13
If he was from the future couldn't he tell if he was going to get arrested?
anonymous 26 August, 2010 18:00
Time is just an illusion created by the human mind. Time traveling is impossible :)
Juan Jose Muņoz 26 August, 2010 20:03
i would ask him if have seen Marty Mcfly, he have my shoes and i ned it to hang out at night.
anonymous 26 August, 2010 20:15
He should make a movie!
Jim Carter 26 August, 2010 21:48
"It is a communist chocolate hellhole."
This is the greatest thing I will hear today and possibly for a while.
anonymous 26 August, 2010 23:14
only an idiot would believe that
anonymous 26 August, 2010 23:31
omg this guy is so nuts......it's sad. he stole all of his " time machine" ideas from back to the futer....o m gee
anonymous 27 August, 2010 02:08
What if he's telling the truth?
anonymous 27 August, 2010 07:23
If the Hadron Collider destroys the world, then how could he be from the future?
Kylie Kanaris 27 August, 2010 10:37
lol... reatrdsa make the world go round ^^
anonymous 27 August, 2010 13:23
He disappeared from the cell because he couldnt destroy the machine causing the world to end in the future thus making him disappear. WERE ALL DOOMED I TELL YOU, THE RAPTURE IS NEAR
anonymous 27 August, 2010 15:44
Might the time machine that resembled a kitchen blender possibly be a Thermomix? I hear you can pretty much make anything with it
anonymous 27 August, 2010 16:36
This guy has obviously never heard of the "Grandfather Paradox" which does not allow backwards time travel. If he has come from the future to save the World from LHC that must mean in his "own time" that the Earth has been destroyed, perhaps with him in it... unless he was a space explorer and was not on the surface at the time but he doesn't seem appropriately dressed for that... unless Humans in the future no longer need pressurized suits and Oxygen to survive outside of the Earth's atmosphere!
anonymous 27 August, 2010 16:44
He didn't just disappear, he was beamed up!
anonymous 27 August, 2010 16:48
so thats where he got to we have been looking for him for a long time
THE TIME POLICE
anonymous 27 August, 2010 16:56
YOU FOOLS IT WAS MEEEEE!!!!! and i now have all i need to change the future!!!!! mauhahahahahhahahah
anonymous 27 August, 2010 18:45
Bloody excellent!
anonymous 27 August, 2010 19:40
why can't it be Zero candy bars? they are the best.
anonymous 27 August, 2010 19:56
"... but later disappeared from his cell." Interesting
anonymous 27 August, 2010 20:08
at least theres tweed in the future...
anonymous 27 August, 2010 20:28
he went back tu future probably
anonymous 27 August, 2010 21:04
It's the Doctor!
anonymous 28 August, 2010 00:29
Whats wrong with u guys ?does nobody else remember when it was the year 2385 ?
I cant believe no one remembers my bar mitzvah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anonymous 28 August, 2010 03:18
I realy think this is true and that guy came form 2012 right the world is didtroyed to save his people
And you idiots who clame to be him, no one belives you
anonymous 28 August, 2010 03:51
this happens every week at LHC, they have to spray them off with soap canons!
anonymous 28 August, 2010 04:23
I agree, most likely a fake he is trying to copy Doctor Who
Stephanie Bailey 28 August, 2010 10:47
Umm it's not outside the realm of possibility
anonymous 28 August, 2010 11:57
I would freakin love it if it was true!!! Ha ha, a commie future with endless kitkats, who ever would have thought?
anonymous 28 August, 2010 11:58
All makes perfect sense.... Kit-Kats for everyone, eh? In the future Nestle still have a grip on the world.
anonymous 28 August, 2010 15:25
well, has anyone actually given us a real reason why this thing was built because so far it's sounds like a big so the f*** what facility - we are still working and living in squares while underground too much money to print here is being spent so that scientists can all jerk off when they smash particle together - it's these same bastards that saw the invention of nuclear weapons and don't kid yourself - this facility will give birth to whole feast of weapons that will make 'fat boy' look skinny.
anonymous 28 August, 2010 23:41
congrats on writing a story that makes fun of a guy with a psychotic illness, top shelf journalism
anonymous 29 August, 2010 00:58
What a closed minded global society
anonymous 29 August, 2010 01:31
OMG!!They arrested The Doctor!!Ah well he got away.
anonymous 29 August, 2010 03:50
That must be some potent crack he's on.
anonymous 29 August, 2010 12:47
But April doesn't exist anymore. What year is this?
Mohammed Abbasi 29 August, 2010 19:12
Quiet! I can hear something..............
anonymous 30 August, 2010 00:49
A bowtie and too much tweed!? DOCTOR!!!
anonymous 30 August, 2010 04:55
Dissapered from his cell? Wow.
anonymous 30 August, 2010 17:54
woow great !!!!!
anonymous 31 August, 2010 02:12
check this out
anonymous 2 September, 2010 23:31
writing the article about an imaginary event was the april fools joke . .