Apple Newton vs Apple iPhone

As you read this, there are millions of London media types grieving over the untimely death of their smashed-up iPhones. Why? Because they're made primarily out of glass, and glass -- believe it or not -- tends to break. The iPhone you see in the illustration above is my very own. I can't tell you exactly how it met its end, but I can tell you that all this damage was caused while it was nestling undisturbed in my hip pocket on a quiet night out enjoying a small brandy with friends.

By contrast, I've treated the Newton MessagePad 2000 with total disdain since purchasing it from a fleamarket in Staines back in 1837. I've sat on it, I've fed it to my dog, I've even accidentally dropped it in the shower and it didn't so much as bat an eyelid.

Probably the best thing about the Newton, however, is the fact it has a battery life longer than the Great Wall of China. We tried to run a battery test on this thing back in 2004 and we gave up because the Newton is still going! Yes, that's a lie, but the truth -- and prepare to catch your jaw before it hits the floor -- is it'll last a whopping 30 hours on a set of four brand-new AAs. If you only use the Newton for a couple of hours every day, it'll be well over a fortnight before it needs fresh batteries.

I think the iPhone's shiny loveliness holds up surprisingly well to the rough life of a pocket-dweller, considering it's as thin and delicate as a 16-year-old's moustache. It's true it's not a rugged phone, and smashed screens aren't uncommon, but this is a thoroughbred, not a cart horse. And there's a plethora of cases and protectors to keep the iPhone safe and sound, so think of it as an opportunity to customise your baby with the latest shock-absorbing fashions.

The iPhone's battery does live fast and die young, but that's a curse that affects all rock stars and smart phones. I'd rather have the iPhone's powerful apps, bright screen and great connectivity than a boring nothing-but-a-phone that goes all night. Over time, the iPhone is like a pensioner -- its battery memory fades and it can't hold its juice. You can't slap an adult nappy on this phone, and the battery isn't replaceable, but who cares? By that time there will be a later, greater phone on the market and you can score some of the best re-sale prices on eBay thanks to the iPhone's lasting appeal.

If you have an iPhone, chances are you've broken it, and if you haven't, you soon will. There's also a pretty strong chance that while on Facebook, you've run out of battery mid-stalk and couldn't make any more calls. As a result, this round goes to the Newton.