iPod 'safety' ban proposed for London Marathon

Hurting yourself is a great way to learn lessons. We learn to take extreme caution with boiling water as a child, commonly as a result of scalding ourselves at some point. We also learn, albeit a little later in life, that blindfold bondage with dwarfs is a bad idea, because they invariably carry knives and don't tell you upfront.

Yes, we've all learned lessons in our time. But if a proposal to be discussed this September at the IAAF Road Running Commission's annual meeting gets enough support, Britain will reach new levels of hectoring over-caution and important lessons will be missed.

The proposal to be considered by the global organisation that governs the world's marathons is that iPods should be banned from the London Marathon because, diddums, someone might trip over if they can't hear another runner coming up beside them. No, it's not an April Fool.

This rule is already in place for marathons in the US, where the governing body blamed insurance companies for jacking up their rates if iPods were allowed. In an interview with the Guardian, David Bedford, the race director of the London Marathon, said: "It's a rule that will not be picked up in this country. It is completely unenforceable."

We think this is a shame. In fact, we think deaf people should be banned from marathons too, because they're a liability for similar reasons. Old people, as well, obviously. And let's ban the Sun. Not the highbrow tabloid, the big ball of flame: it gets everyone hot and sweaty.

If anyone wants us, we'll be in a sealed, padded, reinforced box to protect us from falling insects that might get in our mouths and cause us to choke.

PS. Please ban insects. They're a liability. -Nate Lanxon