Michael's Christmas Shopping: Bulletproof music

By on 13 December 2005, 11:47am

For my Crave Christmas shopping, I'll be focusing on toddler-proof technology. The harsh truth is that most two-year old boys are like drunken midgets with poor impulse control.This means your domestic technology needs to be robust enough to cope with the special weapons and tactics these short-arsed demolition experts have perfected for turning your prized home electronics toys into scrap metal.

Favourite toddler wrestling moves include the Disc Slammer, in which the full weight of the child is brought down on the fragile mechanism of the CD tray. Another popular technique is Flat-panel Fingerpainting, in which the surface of your beloved flat screen is covered with a gorgeous impasto of crayon, snot and high-definition pizza cheese. My personal favourite is the Subwoofer Stuffer, in which small plastic coins, Mattesons smoked sausages and Ritz crackers are carefully fed into the tempting portal of your subwoofer. (Top tip: you can extract the less moist articles with barbecue tongs, but the bass response is never the same again.)

The best technique for protecting your gear is of course your own small bijou flat in Docklands with an armed security guard and laser perimeter defences, but significant others can be so small-minded. So the next-best tactic is camouflage, which means my first purchase can only be one thing: the Sonos Digital Music System.

Not only does this wireless home stereo system stream digital music around your home from your Macs or PCs, but it has the build quality of a Warthog from Halo 2 in a toddler-proof, bunker-like case. And because it's wireless, it can be hidden in a cupboard or ceiling crawl space, where the little buggers cannot reach it. Of course we'll need to hide the speakers in the walls or high, high up on a book case, and the wiring will all need to be concealed, but it's a start.

A basic set-up is not cheap at around £1,000, and you'll need speakers on top of that. I found an introductory pack featuring two zone players and one controller along with two pairs of Wharfdale speakers for £2,038 at HiFiBitz.co.uk.

It's going to take a big chunk of my virtual Crave dosh but if you've heard the Sonos, you'll know it's worth it. One detail we loved about this system: the iPod-like controllers have a motion sensor so that they power up when you pick them up. Perfecto. Now to find a toddler-proof TV.

Michael has already bought these items:

Sonos Digital Music System

He has £2,962 to spend before Christmas Day.

Click here to find out more about Crave's Christmas shopping spree.