Lady GaGa Monster Heartbeats: They're plastic but they still have fun

Lady GaGa is behind the latest entry to the Monster Beats by Dr Dre range of headphones. The artist who brought us such rhyming couplets as, "Eh eh/Nothing more I can say" and, "Mum mum mum mah/Mum mum mum mah" lends her name to the in-ear Monster Heartbeats.

Monster seem to only want to work with artists with titles, perhaps to give the range more respectability. Frankly though, we question whether Dre is a real doctor and -- furthermore -- whether GaGa is in fact a genuine nob. As in, member of the nobility, obviously.

In the press release, Lady GaGa explains her motivation behind the Heartbeats: "In the deepest hour of the night, I confess to myself three things; I would die if I was forbidden to write, forbidden to love, or forbidden to fashion." Fashion what? Tiny antique furniture out of crisp packets? Sailboats out of discarded fag-ends? Maybe this is how she uses that glue gun she mentions in Poker Face -- you know, the glue gun she rhymes with, "Bluffin' with my muffin".

We don't normally tear into press releases, but -- oh who are we kidding, we do it all the time. For more fluff and nonsense, take a look at the five most spurious Valentine's Day press releases, or the Acer Aspire range's pure, unmitigated smut. For more celebrity endorsement of the highest calibre, here's an exclusive column from Maria Sharapova, some Sony tellies in their undercrackers, and Suzanne Shaw with her fruit 'n' veg out.

The one thing that could rescue the Heartbeats from utter ridiculousness would be if they sounded amazing. Sadly, Monster isn't sending out review samples, so we'll never know. They come in black, chrome and red and cost £80 if you're interested. Finally, for your viewing pleasure, here's the peerless Christopher Walken on career-best form.