The Ultimate Tech Celebrity Deathmatches

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer once claimed he would "f***ing kill Google," and on the day of this Deathmatch, he got his chance. His opponent -- Google's CEO, Eric Schmidt -- drives a company with the potential to cripple the core infrastructure of Microsoft.

<fight>
Eyes closed, head tilted backwards and dressed in a t-shirt featuring the name of a martial arts group, an undertaker's Web site URL and a knife manufacturer's email address, Google chief Eric Schmidt stood calmly in his corner of the ring, arms open.

Ballmer, without waiting for the bell, ripped a chair from the audience and hurled it at Schmidt, who, in a Neo-esque movement, smoothly leaned away from the oncoming seating. Mouth open, Ballmer lunged towards the Google founder, his face burning bright red. "I'll f***ing kill you, Schmidt. I've done it before and I'll do it again!" he screamed, charging at his opponent with a company sword stolen from Apple founder Steve Jobs.

While this attack would've worked nicely in the past, the sword was large, unwieldy and unsuitable for modern duelling. The weapon barely scratched Schmidt, who was still rooted to the spot. As Ballmer closed in, the Google boss whipped out a series of documents, photos and books, each slicing at Ballmer's legs, the damage mounting. The paper cuts from a map looked particularly painful.

The damage was enough and Microsoft's CEO collapsed under his own weight. "Developers... dev...elopers... devel... oper...s," wheezed the downed Microsoft boss as the lights faded on the Deathmatch ring and the audience looked uncomfortably to their feet.
</fight>

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